Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Every Girl's Crazy 'bout a Sharp Dressed Man

 This is a post that I have wanted to write for a long time, in fact I have a few blurbs written already that I will pull from and I also have one from a friend who expresses herself so eloquently on the subject.
With the way things are going around here lately, I think its about time to brooch the subject. Between the ever failing government and this most recent tragedy of the Costa Concordia, the cruise ship off the Coast of Gilli Island, it is time to talk about Italian men.
Get on the F-ing Ship!!! This has become the new motto in reference to the Italian Government!
I know what the idea is about them in the eyes (of women) of the rest of the world…….

Italian men, ahh, they are so beautiful, tall, dark and handsome, with such style and grace, they always look so elegant and put together. They must be so well organized, motivated and smart.  It’s just so sexy!

Well guess what?  Sorry girls, but I have to do it, really I’m sorry, I hate to burst your “Italian- Men- are- so- Hot” bubble, but if they look that good, chances are its because their Mamma or their WIFE (yeah, that’s right probably married even if they try to pretend otherwise, or they still live at home!) Washed, dried and ironed it for them. Punto. Sorry, but it’s the truth.

So what does this have to do with the government and a sinking ship? Well the Italian government IS a sinking ship, and the Italian men that run it are not willing to man up and take responsibility for it. Why? Well because they’ve never had to take responsibility for anything their entire lives. And I am 100% whole-heartedly convinced that it all begins with their underwear. I cannot tell you how many foreign women I know that are married to or partnered with Italian men who tell me that their significant other has never bought his own underwear or socks for that matter. And I am talking about men well into adulthood. And this is aside from the fact that the average Italian man lives at home until he is in his mid 30’s and then gets married to a nice Italian girl who will take over and continue to iron his p.j’s for him. But she will never buy his underwear because his mamma will still do that.

Ok, and then when he finally does move out and get a wife to take over, what happens now? Well he gets a job doing whatever because his fathers, brother’s, wife’s, brother knows someone who knows someone who can get him the job. He doesn’t necessarily like the job, but it’s ok, he’s not actually going to work anyway. But he’ll be the first to complain when the system or the services don’t function properly.

But the point is that he never really had to go out and look for the job, he didn’t really have to interview or convince anyone that he was qualified for the job, it was just handed to him, just like his underwear.

Ok now let’s talk about his good little wife who is at home making him breakfast, lunch and dinner and ironing his p.j’s. He marries her because, well, she’s pretty, or at least she was at one point in time, or maybe not, but she sure knows how to make a killer sugo, of course never quite as good as his mamma’s but, good enough. And now they have a couple of kids, (boys hopefully, there is actually an expression that is said at Italian weddings to this day regarding boys: Tanti Auguri and Tanti Figili maschi, which means, best wishes and lots of male children) And the wife is at home ironing her husband’s p.j’s and buying underwear for her son’s while her husband is out doing who knows what. Maybe working, but maybe not. Maybe he’s hanging out at a café on his lunch break hitting on American tourists, looking all nice in his freshly pressed suit and shiny black shoes.

What does this mean? Well, he has never had to be responsible for buying his own underwear, ironing (or even washing) his own p.j’s or finding a job, or cooking his own meals. Yet we expect that these same men are going to be responsible for successfully running a COUNTRY?????? 

Here is a blurb that was written by a friend of mine about dating in Italy.

It's true. and I'll come out and say it- I blame their mothers. When you're in your mid30s and your mother is ironing your underwear and socks (YES. I am NOT making this up ladies!!) There is a BIG problem here. Two things, when the Italian mother is such a huge part of their lives: they will place you in their mother's role and expect you to do/be the same. And, strangely, they will place you in their mother's role and you will never, ever live up to her. There should be an intense study on Italian men as a requirement for any psyche major.
Ok. But can we really just blame their mother’s? Honestly, I think they’re all at fault a bit here. So you grow up thinking that its ok to let everyone else do everything for you, but come on dude! You’re an adult, don’t you know by now that this is not ok. And seriously Italian Mamma’s teach your son’s to take care of himself. Why do you think you are helping them by doing this??? It’s actually a HUGE disservice. Now they get out there in the “real world” and they have no idea how to take responsibility of ANYTHING!

Just the other day I heard a story about a grown man who happens to be a police officer who lives on his own but the gym he goes to happens to be close to his mother’s house so what does he do? After the gym he takes his gym bag with all of his dirty sweaty clothes and drops them off at his mother’s house and the next time he goes to the gym, guess what? Yup! You got it, first he stops by Mamma’s house and picks-up his gym bag with nice clean gym shorts! Underwear and socks included, and probably ironed!!!! OMG! Italian women, I beg of you, I plead with you, STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!

Ok, now what happens is this. Italian man are used to having everything done for them, everything handed to them and they get married to make sure that well, they will never have to take care of any of these things themselves, but the marriage is not really about love. It’s about convenience, for both parties. Don’t think that oh these poor Italian women they suffer, no, their not stupid, they know what their doing but at the same time, I guess they really don’t have much of a choice, especially since careers for women suck in this country.  Now they have someone to take care of them, financially that is. So there is never really truly, this sense of responsibility in their relationships. There is no sense of responsibility in their relationship with their mother either for that matter, as the above example shows, he doesn’t have to give anything back to her, she just makes sure he doesn’t have to work too hard, because povorino he might get tired! Oh and sometimes he stays for dinner too. 

These Italian women latch onto their son’s in this weird Freudian reverse Oedipus kind of way I imagine because they never really had a mutual, loving, responsible relationship with the person that they married anyway.  I’m telling you people, its bizarre.

So the moral of the story is this, personally I’m not surprised that the captain jumped ship before the passengers. literally and metaphorically.  The Italians themselves have in fact used this story as a metaphor for their government. This country is being run by a bunch of little boys who don't know how to take came of themselves let alone an entire country! But they do have very clean underwear.

Now, do I think ALL Italian men are like this? Of course I don’t, I wouldn’t be married to one if I did. Certainly there are exceptions and the above statements are of course speaking generally about the Italian culture. But I will say that men that leave home and live on their own when they are 19 like my husband did and the coast Guard Captain Gregorio De Falco who told the cruise line captain to get back on the F-ing ship, are the exception, not the rule. 

Do you agree with me? Do you disagree with me? I want to know. Am I missing something here? I want your opinion on this issue! Comment below!


  1. Love this Sara, excellent post! I, too, have been stewing on the subject and working on a post about the half-mythic Italian male--it's just such fodder for farce. They SHOULD indeed be required study for any psych student--as well as any political science major ;)

    Great job!

    1. Thanks Elizabeth! And as we know this just barely scratches the surface of the subject. Unfortunately, I could go on. I would LOVE to read your take on it! I Can't wait.

  2. Haha, lovely post. I wasn't actually very impressed by the italian men, even though I wasn't so close to any of them that I have an son-mother-experience. Only met one that made impression. He was actually tall, dark, handsome, mysterious, well dressed, successfu and somewhat intelligentl... My own florentine dream ;) turned out he was engaged though. And that was that. :)
    Also look forward to Elizabeth's post on the subjec!t ;)

    1. Ha! Case in point Helene! Seriously! Wow! They do know how to make an impression though, that's for sure! I always love your comments, thanks again Helene!

  3. My italian husband had a feminist working mom who made him and his brother do their own chores. Made a HUGE difference and am I glad she did that.

    BTW, I'm enjoying your blog.

    I have to say though that the American male isn't living up to my standards right now. Every time I go on a playdate, I'm the one who suggests we include men (on weekends, because it's still most men work while women stay home in middle-class/upper class families, i.e. women stay home if at all possible and I'm in Los Angeles!). Last time we had a playdate, the men consisted of my Italian-born & raised husband, a Greek born/raised man, a Caribbean man, a Hispanic-American and the only white American male was a hippie type. There were a lot of American women but none of their husbands wanted to come along. Makes you wonder!

  4. Hi oil and Garlic! Thanks for your comment and BRAVA for your mother-in-law! See there are exceptions! Thank goodness! It make a difference for sure, I am so glad my husband lived on his own for many years before we met too!

    Interesting about the play dates and about women staying home there too. A global phenomenon perhaps taken from the Italians????? LOL!

  5. For God's sake! Life is difficult enough without being strapped with a leach. I am glad that you women have been able to recognize this inequality and not fall for it. For those of you who don't, have some respect for youself and just say, "No!"
    Mary, not quite "Anonymous"

    1. LOL!!! Mary, thank you for you comment!!! You're absolutely right, life IS hard enough! Let's hope that this type of behavior dies with the older generation and that this country finally decides to become part of the 21st Century already!!!

  6. My husband and I were invited to a family meal in Salerno. A lovely family, wonderful people, great meal. But oh, how horrified they were to hear my American husband had changed diapers, our son-in-law changed diapers. Same for my Dutch brothers. These guys did/do dishes, help around the house!

    I hope the Italian women of this generation will teach their sons to be more self-sufficient!

    1. Miss Footloose, Thank you for your comment! I know what you mean! My husband is also from the south and I will NEVER forget the first summer I spent with his family, after lunch he got up and began clearing plates from the table and brought them into the kitchen and his mother looked at him in horror and literally said "ma che fai? ci sono 3 donne in questa casa!!!" I could hardly believe my ears! and he said "Mamma, lo faccio sempre, stai calma!" Of course I got the look of death but she has never said another word about it since then! Wonderful, loving woman who knows how to cook a great southern meal but was certainly horrified by her DIL that day!!! Thanks for your comment and for stopping by:)

  7. Hi Sara,

    I certainly think your post is interesting and does hold some truth. My experiences with Italian males has not all been this way. I know quite a few men who left home to get jobs, and do all their own cooking, cleaning and laundry! Complimenti to them, but I'm sure there are still a ton stuck in the cycle you describe. I'm glad to have found your blog, keep posting!

    1. Hi Sarah! Thank you for your comment! I am so glad to hear that you have know self-sufficient Italian men! Its really great that things are changing and of course I see it too. I had a conversation with a 35 year man the other day who told me about leaving the south when he was 21 and going to London to study before coming back to Florence to open his own business which he has had for 12 years now! It really is great to see! I think a lot more Italian kids are being forced to do things on their own now since their mothers most likely are working. I think the larger cities are certainly seeing more of a change. Thanks for stopping by, I look forward to your future comments!


Thanks for your comment! I always look forward to hearing from my reader! It will just take a second and I will get your comment posted!

Don't be Shy! Share!